學習作主 |
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記得第一次和精舍的師兄弟們回山出坡時，被分發到機動組──負責垃圾分類的工作。當時的我一邊垃圾分類，心也跟著打妄想，做得愈久，心跑得愈厲害，為什麼我要做這種工作？我是一家公司的總裁，如果認識的人看到我怎麼辦？他們會怎麼想？難道沒有別的事可以做嗎？唉！我的衣服都被弄髒了，什麼時候可以休息？等一下吃什麼……。 後來，有機會參加頗具挑戰的精進禪七，在那一星期裡，第一次感受到「心」的真實力量，而且發現我的心就像「猴子」一樣心猿意馬！之後，連續打了幾次禪七，也開始在精舍上禪修課，學到了更多心的作用及如何專注在當下，並了解妄想與執著的影響力，例如，在精舍大寮幫師父切菜的時候，每當心一跑掉，馬上就會切錯。 在學佛過程中，對於「頂禮」有很長一段時間無法接受，因為在心裡總有一股聲音說著：我是Wouter，是總裁，為什麼得雙膝跪在地上？直到上了更多的禪修課程，並且學習到普賢十大願後，慢慢地放下強烈的我執及對事的執著，尤其到中台大寮發心磨鍊，更讓我有機會學習如何在動靜中以純淨的心邁向成佛之道。 有一次在中台大寮發心時，負責將食物從冷凍庫中拿出來給師父。當我很開心將食物拿了出來，一一打開並在鐵盤上擺放整齊，後來卻又指導要再打包放回去。以前的我可能會非常不高興，現在卻認為打包放回去，或者拆開放在鐵盤上，不過就是「一個動作」，如果不去分別是放回去或拿出來，有何不同呢？就是發心嘛！ 另一次是在家裡洗架房，當時心有不甘地想著：我可以去做飯代替洗架房，但同時卻領悟到都是手的動作而已，刷廁所和刷鍋子有何不同呢？如果不起分別心，洗架房是骯髒，做飯、洗鍋子是乾淨，兩者不都要專心完成嗎？當下歡喜地把架房清洗得一乾二淨。 最近精舍推動禪修班招生，跟著師兄到街上發傳單，剛開始很不好意思，所以沒發幾張，可是看著師兄發得很好，而且很開心，開始告訴自己，分別什麼？做就對了，很快地，我也做到笑容可掬地發著禪修班的招生傳單呢！ 現在我已經吃全素，也努力的持守五戒，每天去精舍做早課，讓心靜下來，為一天的開始做準備，專注在每個當下。佛法改變了我嗎？是的！學習佛法讓我的心更清楚明白，也更輕快愉悅，愈來愈知道做自己心的主人。不斷地練習，讓我體悟到沒有妄念的心，便是覺悟的心！ (I remember my first time going to Chung Tai Chan Monastery with the Dharma brothers from our meditation center to "help out," I was assigned to the “odd job team,” and my task was to sort garbage for recycling. When I was sorting through the garbage, my mind was also jumping around: Why am I assigned this dirty job—I'm the president of a company, what will people think when they see me doing this, is there not something else they can let me do, ah this stinks, all my clothes are getting dirty, when will it be break time, what will we eat later on? Soon afterwards, I had the opportunity to join another challenging practice, the intensive Chan-7 meditation retreat. During that week, I got some first hand experiences in confirming the power of the mind, and in discovering that restless "monkey" in my mind. Since then, I have participated in a few more Chan-7 retreats, and also started to attend the meditation classes in our center. I have learned more about how the mind functions, and how to be mindful in everything we do; moreover, I have realized the negative effects of our wandering thoughts and attachments. For example, when I was helping the shifu in the kitchen to cut vegetables, whenever my mind started to drift away from the task, I would immediately cut it wrong. During my learning journey, I have for a long time could not accept the practice of prostrations. There was always a voice in my mind saying: I'm Wouter, President of a company, why should I kneel on the ground like that? However, with taking more lessons and learning about the meaning behind the ten great vows of Samantabhadra Bodhisattva, I was able to gradually reduce this strong attachment to my ego. Volunteering in the Chung Tai kitchen has also given me the opportunity to train my mind, to learn to practice with a mind of purity, whether in action or stillness. Once while helping out in the Monastery’s kitchen, I happily took out a few hundred packages of food from the freezer, unpacked them from their plastic bags, and placed them neatly onto trays, then put the trays onto a trolley—only to be told later by a shifu that the food should be packaged and stored, so please put them back into their plastic bags! In earlier times, I certainly would have been bothered. But then, I simply thought: packing or unpacking is just an action involving muscular movements; if I do not label these tasks and think about my likes or dislikes, then what is the difference? Both acts would come from my wish to help. Another time, I had to clean the toilet in our house but found myself unwilling to start, thinking: Wouldn’t it be better to cook some food now than to clean the toilet? Meanwhile, I also realized: Scrubbing the toilet, or cooking and scrubbing the wok afterwards are all actions done by the hands. If I do not label one as a dirty job and the other as a pleasant job, what is the difference? Both tasks require my full attention to complete. With that reflection, I happily cleaned the toilet until it was as shiny and bright as a new one. Recently our meditation center was promoting meditation classes. I went with my Dharma brother to give out flyers on the street. In the beginning, I felt embarrassed and only gave out a few. Then when I saw how well and joyful my partner was giving away the flyers, I asked myself: Why am I labeling this task? Just do it. Pretty soon, I was able to hand out the flyers to the passersby—and with a smile on my face! Now, I am fully a vegetarian, and I am making efforts to uphold the Five Precepts. I go to our meditation center to attend morning service everyday. It calms my mind and gives my day a good start so that I can stay mindful every moment during the day. So did learning Buddhism change me? Yes, it certainly did. My mind is much clearer and lighter now, and I know more how to be the master of my own mind. I resolve to keep practicing in order to realize a mind without delusion, a mind of enlightenment.
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